Satisfied
Picture by Pexel from Pixabay
As I write this I am sitting in a local coffee shop trying to put words to the pain and brokenness my heart is feeling. As I write I hear my stomach growl. Arg! I forgot my granola bar that was sitting next to my phone. You see I don’t eat breakfast most mornings, so my usual go to is some sort of yogurt, granola bar, or late morning snack . Coffee is about the only thing I consume before 10:30 A.M. Oh man, there it is again. It is so loud I am sure the people around me can hear it. As I approach the counter to order a bite to eat and some much needed caffeine I see a delicious looking cinnamon roll in the perfectly coiffed pastry case and it is calling my name. Ugh! I know I don’t need the ridiculous amount of sugar and calories that exists in that tasty tempting treat. Oh the humanity. So instead I opt for what seems like the lesser of two evils and order their delicious looking savory bacon cheddar scone. As I take my seat I hear it again, my stomach growls in anticipation. I quickly grab my fork and shovel a bite into my mouth, hoping to satisfy my hunger, when I am met with a taste I was not expecting. Now to be fair this is my first bacon cheddar scone, and unfortunately it did not meet the hopes I had of what it might taste like. However, I am hungry and so I continue to eat. It is not terrible but certainly not the delicious sugary goodness I know the cinnamon roll to be. Seriously it would have been melt in my mouth goodness. Oh well, I eat a couple more bites of the scone, but end up leaving still hungry and unsatisfied.
I wrote the above experience back in mid May, when going places was still somewhat “safe”. As I come back to it today it resonates in my soul a little more deeply with how I am feeling these days, and maybe it will with yours as well.
Days are…well lots of words I shouldn’t write here. I feel unsatisfied and hungry for something richer and sweeter. Is there something we have chosen to fill our lives with that is leaving us wanting? Have we made wrong choices believing some false narrative or ideology? Are we simply choosing the lesser of two evils that leaves us unsatisfied and hungry in the depths of our souls?
Wave after wave of grief and loss leaves us exhausted and feeling more and more isolated. Social media, a place where we attempt to grasp at connection, leaves us bruised and wounded, confused and on the defensive. We are tossed and beaten up in the waves of op-ed posts, false information, misinformation, and we are wounded all while, either intentionally or unintentionally, wounding others. I know many of us are feeling the weight of wondering what tomorrow will bring, what next week will look like, and lord have mercy what will next month hold. We are wandering in a wilderness of uncertainty and doubt, trying to hold on to anything that might give us a sense of security and belonging. However, all it does is leave a bitter taste of nothingness in my mouth, no matter how hard I try. How about you?
Have we lost our way? Scrolling, scrolling, scrolling the pages of Facebook and Instagram, and feeling emptier than ever, more anxious than ever, and more hurt than ever. Why are we grasping at emptiness that offers no satisfaction? I know it is overwhelming having to discern truth. I know the brokenness all around is hard to bear. We are being confronted with pain, despair, and realities we may not have realized existed. Do you struggle to know who to listen to, who to believe, and whose right? You are not alone in your grief. You are not alone in your confusion. You are not alone in your desire to check out. You are not alone.
So now what? What do we do with this emptiness and despair? What do we do with the pain we feel and the isolation that creates canyons in our minds? Where do we go from here?
I cannot tell you what tomorrow holds but I do know the one who holds tomorrow. When anxiety paralyzes me and depression seeks to claim my heart and mind I run to Christ who is my place of rest.
Matthew 6:25-27
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?”
Philippians 4:6-7
“Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”
I am tired of trying to fill my own heart with what I think is best. I want to know Him. I want to see Him. I want to know His nearness.
Psalm 34
“I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul makes its boast in the Lord; let the humble hear and be glad. Oh, magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together! I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them. Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him have no lack! The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing. Come, O children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord. What man is there who desires life and loves many days, that he may see good? Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit. Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous and his ears toward their cry. The face of the Lord is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth. When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken. Affliction will slay the wicked, and those who hate the righteous will be condemned. The Lord redeems the life of his servants; none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.”
Jeremiah 29:11-14
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.”
Jeremiah 9:23-24
“Thus says the Lord: ‘Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, 24 but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the Lord.’”
Philippians 3:8-11
“Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.”
I don’t want anything other than Jesus. I want to be his disciple. I want my life to reflect Him in all that I do and say. We must continually ask the Lord to show us what we are reflecting to those around us. Do we look like Christ in all that we say and do? Are we merely followers of Jesus looking for a spiritual good word, feel good moment, or something to post on social media or are we disciples of Jesus willing to learn, willing to love, and willing to work to make Him known?
Matthew 22:32-40
“But when the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. ‘Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?’ And he said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.’”
Micah 6:6-8
“With what shall I come before the Lord, and bow myself before God on high? Shall I come before him with burnt offerings, with calves a year old? Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams, with ten thousands of rivers of oil? Shall I give my firstborn for my transgression, the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul? He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?”
1 Peter 2:1-11
“So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander. Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation— if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good. As you come to him, a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious, you yourselves like living stones are being built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. For it stands in Scripture: ‘Behold, I am laying in Zion a stone, a cornerstone chosen and precious, and whoever believes in him will not be put to shame.’ So the honor is for you who believe, but for those who do not believe, ‘The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone, and ‘A stone of stumbling, and a rock of offense.’ They stumble because they disobey the word, as they were destined to do. But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God's people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul. Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation.”
How though? How do we know Him more? How do we do this?
Center your heart and mind on Him. Well, how???
For me, I put headphones in and play ambient nature sounds, usually the beach or river. I sit on my floor with a journal, quiet my heart and mind, and simply talk to my heavenly Father. It isn’t fancy or eloquent. My thoughts are usually a jumbled mess, because most of the time my heart and mind are a jumbled mess. At times I don’t even have words, and it is then that I will sit silent centering my heart and mind in His presence.
Read your Bible. Yes, I know it seems hard and it can be difficult to understand at times, but the reality is you and I have become too accustomed to pastors, preachers, and bible study teachers breaking it down for us that we haven’t taken the time to learn how to do it for ourselves. Your spiritual growth is no one’s responsibility but your own. It is time we take ownership of it. So how?
I highly recommend a Bible reading plan. It is a simple way to develop a healthy daily rhythm of getting into the word.
Do not attempt to tackle the King James Version. I enjoy the New Living Translation and The Message when I am reading the Bible. The Message is a great resource for reading scripture however, I do not recommend that version for deeper study. I will also use the English Standard and New International Readers Version from time to time to mix things up.
Do not feel like you should tackle whole books of the Bible or even whole chapters in one sitting. Take a few verses at a time. Find what works for you. Time spent with the God in His word is not about how much you can cram in, but about developing healthy rhythms of quality time with him. Do not hesitate to take it slowly so that you can really get to know Him.
A few questions to ask yourself when reading the Bible:
Who is the author?
Who are they writing to?
What is the author saying to the specified audience?
What is it saying to me?
A couple of extra questions I like to ask are:
When was this written?
What was happening historically? (This will take a bit of digging but it actually has made the Bible more real to me than ever to understand the history.)
Meditate on the passage.
Turn the passage over in your mind throughout your day. Bounce your thoughts around with the Lord, with a friend, and/or family member. Do not be afraid to ask questions. At times you may feel unsettled and need to spend time in prayer asking God for clarity. Do not be afraid to wrestle that anxiety out with Him. I have spent the last few years wrestling a lot out with the Lord. It has been some of the hardest and darkest times in my relationship with Him, but also some of the most rewarding life giving times with him.
Take a deep breath.
I know it can seem daunting to think about developing healthy spiritual rhythms, but you were created for it. He made you to know Him and make Him known. Let us no longer choose to be distracted by the things of this world, our ideologies, and perceived rightness, but let us turn our eyes to Jesus, run hard after him, and be satisfied.
Lord Jesus we are hurting. The canyons in our hearts and minds seem to create further distance with each passing day. Lord we repent for having chosen the lesser things of this world and turned our affections from you. We repent for our rightness being more important than our being made righteous. Father give us a hunger and thirst for you and your word. Let us not be afraid of the “what if’s” and fear of being found as not enough in your sight. Lord bind that lie in Jesus name. Help us to know the simplicity of having a relationship with you and be near us when simplicity is met with difficulty. You have made the way plain. Lord help us to trust you. Help us to be your disciples and not merely followers who need constant experiences that keep us engaged with you. We are sorry for the time we have wasted. We are sorry for not surrendering. We look to you Lord Jesus to be our vision. Lord please continue to discipline us and pursue us until we are what you desire us to be. We need you Father God. Amen.