So to the tired mommas out there…know that you are not alone. I have been the weary mom, with the messy house, dirty laundry that flows from every corner, dusty bunnies teasing me in every crevice, desperate and exhausted. The weight of guilt over not engaging your children enough, to the mess that seems to be everywhere, to the fact that you may or may not have taken a shower in the last 5 days, to the fact that chicken nuggets and mac and cheese may be on the menu 3 times in a week…YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! Breathe…then BREATHE again…NOW ONE MORE TIME.

The changes that we faced of course came with their own set of hurt and heartache, and were certainly accompanied by their own set of losses. However, we knew, without a doubt, that we were doing what God had called us to do. We were tired of the same circular race that we had been running for years. We had a hunger for God and knew that He was about to show us Himself in new ways and do new things in us. We were ready to get to work.

Music heard softly in the background, anxious thoughts, and quickened heartbeat. Waiting. Waiting. The Moment's here, a million thoughts pervade, nervousness creeps in, excitement for the day. The entrance open, and bursting forth he sees, his beauty adorned in glorious white, his true delight, his Bride.

This body created in incredible form, is indeed a sight of splendor an exquisite display.

Breathtaking in every move.

The way it yields itself, offers itself, denies itself, is manifest of the Glory of God, it praises His name.

You see just beyond our borders are those who are longing for more, for something, for ANYTHING. They try and fill this longing ache with a myriad of things from gadgets and trinkets to much more destructive things like alcohol and pills, but you and I have the more, the SOMETHING that they need. We have the GOSPEL. We have salvation. We have the JOY that is so prolifically touted at this time of year.

I was so taken aback by how bound I am in fear and how it has bled into every aspect of my life, from my marriage, to my children, friendships, ministry, and of course my relationship with GOD. I've played it cool and done just enough to get by, but that is so trivial in comparison to living Under the FULL Authority of God in my life. Well, that certainly was not the end of it.

I know what it is like to wonder if I'll ever get over said hurt or betrayal. Let me tell you it is often a daily and moment by moment process of laying aside those hindrances, fears, hurts, betrayals, and choosing to forgive, choosing to love, choosing to give grace. Making the RIGHT choice where you may feel it is so undeserved and even sometimes unwanted. However, Christ bore the ONLY Wounds that matter in the grand scope of it all.

If I only serve my children a spoonful of moralism, seeking only obedience (because I said so), order, and compliance, when the Holy Spirit does light that flame will it struggle and fight to burn bright and long and far? It could possibly fade to just burning ashes exhausted by the "trying" and the pursuit of perfectionism. I as their Mom...as a Christian must allow the fresh wind of the holy spirit to blow through my household, my relationships, and through my everyday encounters in life, the breath of the Gospel of grace.

 I don't want to live hiding, veiled from what could be. I want the curtain to be torn from top to bottom, to see the endless possibilities before me, without the lies of danger or the fear of the unknown. I want to boldly step out into what God has already laid at my feet.

I love what AW Tozer says "Thirsty hearts are those whose longings have been awakened by the touch of God within them." Our first step must be in the realization that something is missing. Our hearts are longing to soar, to experience new heights and depths of life, love, and passion. To experience a touch of God.

Do we really want to be where He is? Do we want to Feast at His table daily, saturated by the goodness and wholeness that He offers or are we content with our little bowl of weekly porridge that meets the nutritional minimum?

I don’t know about y’all but the PROVERBS 31 Woman lingers constantly in the forefront on my mind as this DO or DIE TRYING ideal of who we are supposed to be. Now PLEASE don’t get me wrong. I love the Proverbs 31 Woman.

There’s no amount of resolutions that I can make to do anything with the mess that is ME. I’ve tried for years to change myself and have failed miserably, but that’s not my job anyway. Who do I think I am? Well, most definitely not who I’ve been “trying” to be for sure.

I mean time and time again the God of ALL Creation says "I AM HIS", "I WILL DELIVER YOU", "YOU ARE MINE", "I AM YOUR STRONG TOWER". Over and over again He reminds me of His love for ME, so why so afraid?